UNCTAD Security 'Half-baked'

by Harrison George

Investigations by UN and Thai security services into the incident where a cream pie was pushed into the face of IMF Managing Director Michel Camdessus have revealed a previously unknown international terrorist network.

Security checks at the UNCTAD X meeting at the Queen Sirikit Centre have been stepped up with security personnel checking bags for concealed pies, cakes and other pastries. A number of delegates were barred access to meeting rooms and ordered either to eat the offending items or have them decommissioned in special receptacles called 'garbage bins'.

Security experts have been caught unawares by what locals have called 'khanom crime'. 'None of the detector equipment caught the Camdessus pie,' said a source in the Special Branch. 'But our technicians are working on it.'

Other analysts feel this is a futile move. They point out that bakery weapons were on open sale in a 7-11 inside the security cordon. 'The real problem is proliferation,' said a Ministry of Foreign Affairs spokesman. 'These things are so widely available even children can get hold of them.'

While attention has focussed on the shadowy Belgian organization 'Pattissiers sans Frontieres' which claimed responsibility for then Camdessus incident, many observers point to the involvement of multinational corporations. 'This pie thing is big business,' said one analyst. 'People have to realize that if you push for globalization, then you run the risk of globalizing 'tart terrorism' as well.' The UN has announced the formation of a special UN Blockade Against Kitchen-Engineered Dangers (UNBAKED) but many expect this to be a slow, cumbersome and largely ineffective measure.